Wednesday, December 29, 2010

An Open Letter To Boston Pizza

September 20th, 2008: my view at my bachelor party.
This was also the last time I ate a whole large Clubhouse by myself.
The discomfort was worth it.

Dear Boston Pizza,
How's it goin'? Okay, enough pleasantries...what's the deal with the Clubhouse pizza? Now, don't get it twisted...I LOVE that pizza, but why is not on the menu? Y'all are nice enough to keep making it, but why do I have feel like I'm politely asking for fellatio when I'm ordering it? Keep it on the damn menu!
I mean...are you ashamed of it? You shouldn't be! It's tasty. And dammit if it ain't unique! The contents of a clubhouse sandwich in pizza form! The secret lies in the tomato sauce...there isn't any! Mayo takes it place, and a single tomato slice tops each slice. That right there, is genius. But hey, I don't need to tell y'all that. You invented it!
The Clubhouse has a spot reserved in my heart – right beside my family and squirrels – but the only spot it really needs is within the menu. Make it happen. Thanks.

- Al

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Epic Meal Time

If you're into the unhealthiest food possible and don't know about these've been sleepin', my friend. The concept is simple: transform fatty foods into lethal works of art. Bacon gets a lot of love here.

The first episode - "The Worst Pizza Ever!":

The episode that put 'em on the map - "TurBaconEpic Thanksgiving":

As I type this, this episode has been seen 1,914,289 times. It brings tears to my eyes due to the sheer amount of awesome involved. The Dr. Pepper glaze bit makes me feel funny. In a good way.

The Christmas episode - "Slaughterhouse Christmas Special":

Bacon is back with a vengeance here, as they skipped it in favor of pancetta for the "Meatball Deathstar" episode.

If these Montreal denizens don't get the Order Of Canada in 2011, well...I might just have to move.

- Al